Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
