Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your cock deserves a montage
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
