Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
