Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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