i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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