The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize