You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
