I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
