booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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