Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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