They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
