so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
