Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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