We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
