he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
