Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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