If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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