gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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