I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I looked at my own cervix.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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