and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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