remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
