I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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