So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
