He kissed a someone with a penis
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
