Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
