Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
