My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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