how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
