Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
