Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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