It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
