omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
