i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
