did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
