thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
