walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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