YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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