Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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