I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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