Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
