Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
