She's JV to your varsity
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Are we still banned from the library?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
