if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
