why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
