She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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