Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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