I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
