he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
