The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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