So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
