How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Olympian is in my bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize