Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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