I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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