I just pynch a tree in the face
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
