As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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