So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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