Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
