your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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