i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
