So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
