first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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