Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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