This is not my ceiling
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
