Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
