Me. At least after what I've been through.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
