I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
