Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
