My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
