i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
