so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
