Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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